Not sure why...

Since the middle of August <--- I have been going to the Wound Care Center so the doctors and nurses could see the improvement of my wound. In the beginning I was terrified with tears to go but slowly my attitude change. Everytime I saw the difference that my wound was healing and the doctors and nurses would say: "It looks good" "wow, big improvement" etc. It was a matter of time that all of these things were going to end. Trials do end but more come!!!! I still have a long ways to go but am almost finished the first stage....

My second surgery was on Thursday, October 20, 2011. So for some odd reason I thought I was going to die. I told my mom "If I die on Thursday, I love you.." Before having the surgery I went to see Chayanne (an Hispanic singer artist in Mexicali) with my friend Patty. I even dressed up for it (picture...lol..if ya know me...I only dress up for certain events). The day before I went to institute, Cardenas, and movies with Nick and Anthony. I guess I was trying to live life before I died (in the Imperial Valley we are limited with fun things).

Thursday came. Not sure what was going through my head. I was scared. So I went to the hospital at 7:15ish am on Thursday...and I told my mom "I feel like Isaac right now that you are taking me to get sacrifice.." (umm, not sure why I said that). Did the whole registration and with tears in my eyes I was scared. Not sure why I was scared because I knew that God was there and he is always with me...but we are human beings and we tend to forget. Well I shedded a few tears because I couldn't let my mom see me with tears because she would worry  (well am her baby...jajaj). So everything was set and my surgery was scheduled for 9:30 am. The nurses poked me four times to put my IV (my arm, my hand, my foot, and finally my arm). Ouch!! I saw my parents before I went to the operating room. My mom and I were just speaking about novelas and chismes. I couldn't think about the surgery (remember I was scared). The anesthesia (temporary pain blocker) guy was playing this hardcore music while I was just being placed in this small bed that I could barely fit and then all of a sudden...I don't remember what happen!?!?!?! A few hours passed and I WOKE UP!!!!! and then I had an anxiety attack of crying. I was just crying and crying. Not sure why!?!? Now that I reflect on it I guess it was because at first I felt that it would be okay if I died but I was wrong. Not sure what life has of hold of me but am ready to do what I do best..eat. Just playing. Am ready to do what the Lord has planned for me and am willing to accept His will (even though, at times it might be hard). I haven't checked how my wound looks but in a few hours I'll be going to the Wound Care Center and see if am going to be discharged and hopefully be ready to face Phase 2.

"Fear is the opposite of Faith"

(yes my englsih grammar, spelling, etc. is blah!!)